Whacking Wonders
by Eurythmatix
Summary: Harry goes to the Supermarket to buy groceries for a change and guess who he meets up with? It's Snape! And that's not what's funny,it seems as if his granny is with im as well. The fun begins when she whacks him across the knees with her cane!


**Whacking Wonders**

I was ordered by my wife Ginny Potter to come here to the Supermarket to uplift some foodstuff for the week. And looking down the list that she had written, I frowned at the word 'Sanitary Pads (Stayfree)'. You know it's not easy for any guy to embrace the idea of Periods and such but for me; it had become this thing where you just had to accept it because of Ginny. Fullstop.

So I was wheeling my cart down the canned food aisle as I selected according to her list: a can of baked beans, a can of corn, a can of ravioli sauce and another can of some sort of diced fruits that the kids loved to eat on top of their ice cream. And just as I rounded the corner to turn into the boxed food stuff aisle, who else did I run into?

'Well if it isn't Draco Malfoy himself', I said forcing a smile to appear on my face.

He was all decked out in this tight collared black suit that made him look like a Fed. In fact, as I observed him and he did the same to me, my eyes couldn't help but wander to his growing blond hair that reminded me of his father Lucius. The poor man was still alive but suffering enough because apparently, they had rounded him up and had thrown him back in Azkaban. Poor fellow.

'Well if it isn't the famous Harry Potter', he said curtly but there was a smile on his face. 'What's new with you?'

'Nothing's new actually', I said peering around for Pansy. I was reminded of not so long ago when I had invited Malfoy to Lily's baby shower. He had come with Pansy and little Scorpius came along too. Oh how Ron had had a laugh out of the boy's name. I myself had smiled but dared not laugh in front of Malfoy who had changed significantly. 'Where's Pansy?'

'Oh she's at home looking after Scorpi. I was sent to do the shopping.'

'Same here', I admitted as we wheeled our carts down the cereal section and Malfoy selected a box of Wheat Flakes. 'On a diet?' I asked raising an eyebrow.

'No. Pansy likes to eat healthy.'

'Oh.' And we walked on in silence.

When we got to the head of that aisle, I separated from him to go get Ginny's sanitary pads. It was as I was walking along the Pharmacy section when my eyes came across the most unusual sight ever. There stood Professor Severus Snape bending over a shelf peering down at something in his outstretched hand. Being the still mischievous being I had always been, I left my cart and softly walked towards him. With a grin on my face, I took time to observe him for I hadn't seen him for like two years since the war.

Yeah yeah he had survived the snake bites and was safely here unto this day but he had not changed. The only thing that was altered was that he accepted me with a tolerable smile sometimes when I'd see him. I believe I had done enough damage to the man over the years and he had wanted all of it to be over.

'Professor Snape', I said and he jerked up, dropping the box in his hand. As it thudded on the tiled floor he spun around to face me and scowled.

'Potter!' he snapped. I smiled. 'What the hell did you do that for?'

'Sorry', I said smiling broader than before. 'My mistake, you see I didn't mean to startle you but it was the only way.'

He surveyed me coldly then bent down to pick up the box. I had decided at the same time that I would stoop to collect it for him since I was the reason it was down there. And naturally, our heads collided.

'Could you step away from me or something?' he demanded rubbing his head as he stood up. 'You clumsy fool!'

'Oops, sorry.'

'Potter, what do you want?'

I frowned. 'Why I only came to say hi and this is how you treat me?'

Beckoning to his head, his dark eyes narrowed. 'You came over to announce your presence and in the process you startle me out of my wits. Then', and he held up the box in his hand, waving it in the air, 'your big head collides with mine.'

'How marvellous don't you think so?' I asked and attempted to laugh but that died down as his stare became icy. 'Geese I'm sorry then. I shall do as you say and leave.'

As I was about to step around him and towards my cart, I heard the shuffling of feet behind me and then the sound of a cane as it hit the floor as the person came towards us.

'What's this?' an old croaky voice asked and I spun around to face the shortest granny I had ever set eyes on. She was about what...four feet direct? And her spectacles were huge making her eyes appear big and bug like. Who was she? And my question was answered when she addressed Snape. 'Snapey darling, tell grandma who that is.'

I almost doubled over in laughter if I had not all of a sudden been frozen with surprise. This was absurd! Here I stood facing a small woman with greying hair chopped and tinted pink. She had the appearance of a small bug and her shuffling movements were almost too quick for the eye.

'It's Harry Potter', he muttered and in a flash the cane swung out to lash him across his knees making him swear.

'Speak up boy, I don't have good ears. I'm not young!'

'It's Harry Potter', he said louder than before and turned to glare at me, silently demanding that I disappear. 'You know him don't you?'

'Of course I do know Harry Potter, you cloaked piece of shmuck!' she announced and I used my opportunity to step forward.

I didn't want to torment poor Snapey any longer but I couldn't help but prolong the agonising look on his face as he stood there throwing daggers my way with his eyes.

'Hello', I said producing a hand, 'I'm Harry Potter.'

'Harry Potter', she said smiling broadly at me. It was a toothless grin. 'It's a pleasure to finally meet you boy! I have waited years and years. I have heard so much about you from Snapey Wapey here.'

'I hope all that you heard was good', I said smiling and shaking her hand.

'He has never uttered a good word about you in my presence. Such a cold work of art he is isn't he?' she asked frowning up at him, her huge eyes surveying Snape as he towered above her. 'But of course being a Death Eater for so many years before, he has developed into a cold never melting ice cube.'

'I agree, I agree', I said nodding feverishly and ignoring Snape's glare.

'Don't you have shopping to do, Potter?' Snape asked of me. 'I assume that you should be running along.'

I glanced over at him and sighed. 'He's trying to get rid of me.'

'He's what?' she asked loudly. 'He's trying to get rid of me?' And without waiting on my response, she whacked him again across the knees.

'Fuck!' he swore beneath his breath and he tried to reach out to grab me by my shirt but the result was his grandma swinging her cane so that she cleared out almost a whole shelf of ointments. 'Potter! You sick insolent imbecile!'

'Should I', and I looked at him then at the old lady my eyes wide but moist from tears after forcing to keep in my laughter, 'should I leave?'

'Leave!' he shouted as she whacked him again and again, 'get out and out of my sight!'

'Don't you dare tell me to leave!' his grandma demanded in a shrill voice. 'I have done so much for you and you stand there you idiotic, tall moron and demand that I leave? What is this? You have no appreciation for my presence on this earth!'

'Grandma please', Snape begged as he tried to grab her cane and calm her. 'I wasn't asking of you to leave. I was asking of Potter to depart from us.'

And I watched as she stopped whacking away to stare up at him, her eyes wide. 'What did you ask of the boy?'

'I asked him to leave', he muttered knowing what was coming.

'Speak up!'

'I asked him to leave!' Snape cried obviously frustrated.

'You frightfully, ignorant, rude and disrespectful boy!' she shrieked and shuffled forward then held out her short stringy arms to grab out at him. 'After all he's done and been through you ask him to depart? What sort of human being –'

'Grandma I –'

'...asks another man to depart from this world after all he's been through? What did my daughter make you from? A rock?' Grandma continued, her voice rising above his.

'I believe he's an amphibian, you know that they're cold blooded right?' and I mimicked a frog, 'ribbit.'

I watched as she lashed out at him and I laughed loudly, clutching my sides, my eyes watering.

Snape had had enough. He rounded on me and began to stride forward. I did the only thing I could think of. I ran, practically pelted towards my cart and then wheeled it around and the other way. With him behind me, I grabbed at the Stayfree shelf not checking what package I grabbed. And I was heading towards the cashier, already reaching in my jeans pocket for my MasterCard.

'Come back here, Potter!' Snape growled behind me as I went through the line to the cashier. 'You –'

'I am sorry, Sir but I will have to ask you to step back and out of this lane', a man in a tailored uniform asked of Snape. But with nostrils flaring and eyes icy, he still fought his way towards me.

Taking my card from the cashier whose mouth was hanging open as she stared at Snape, I began to swipe the scanner over the items in my cart. My eyes darted frantically towards Snape who was fighting as two officers held unto him.

'Potter!'

'Do you know this man, Sir?' the officer asked of me.

'No, I don't know him', I lied forcing my face into a surprised look as well. 'He's some sort of looney! He's after me! Help!'

The cashier finally took my card from me and swiped it through the slot then I punched in my code. In the flashiest of flashes, I was out the door with the cart and heading down the parking lot, fumbling for my car keys. When I had loaded the groceries into the back of the car and was driving across the entrance, I looked in to see Snape coming out of the door. The old lady was still whacking him this time across his back. I smiled. Somehow I knew he'd get to me soon.

You might want to know that when I got home, I was in for a good whacking from Ginny. It turned out that I had bought her panty liners instead. She made me drive back to the Supermarket to buy the right thing.

**Writer's Note: I was just bored, lol. Review!**


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